


Some Reasons Why

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Depression, Eating Disorders, Flashbacks, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-05 23:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12804282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Anonymous prompt: Phil is in Florida while Dan is home alone back in London. But then tragedy strikes, and someone breaks into the house while Dan is in his room, prompting Dan to call Phil for help. Dan ends up getting hit over the head by the intruder, the phone going dead. Phil then freaks out and flies home to Dan. Writer can take it from there.A/N: I kinda went a bit wild with this prompt so it’s going to be at least an average length chapter fic, maybe more. Who knows? Don’t expect consistent updates to this. It’s just gonna be a thing I write when I feel like it. With that being said, there will likely be at least one (probably more) chapter/s per week so I won't leave you guys hanging for months without an update.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note, this is a heavy story with infinite angst. Read the tags. If any of the stuff mentioned is possibly triggering for you, please don't read this. I want everyone to be safe. I could miss a trigger but I will be adding tags as I go.
> 
> That said, if you still want to read, please enjoy!
> 
> PLEASE READ! Making sure everyone knows, heavy fic. No trigger warnings at the start of each chapter so please be careful when you read this.

It was December twenty-first and Dan was lounging around in his room on his phone. Phil had left for his annual family Florida trip two days before and Dan was lonely.

 

There was a click at the door and Dan stood to look into the hallway, seeing a man with dark clothing march up the stairs. In a panic, Dan quickly shut his door and dialed Phil’s number.

 

“Hey bear. How are you going without me?” Phil asked in a cheery voice, before waiting for Dan’s reply.

 

“Someone broke into the house and I’m scared.” replied Dan. Phil silenced on the other end of the line before sucking in a breath and speaking.

 

“Why did you call me and not the police? Are you safe? Do you know where he is in the house?” Phil questioned quickly.

 

“I don’t know. I panicked and my first thought was to call you. I’m in my room but I can hear him going around your room. I’m so scared Phil.” Dan whispered, now too scared to speak any louder. There was a loud crash that made Dan flinch and shudder.

 

“You need to call the police, Dan. I can’t do anything.” Phil explained as calmly as he could.

 

“Phil, don’t. Don’t leave me. I need y-” Dan stopped as his door tried to open. He was sitting behind it but there was no way he’d be able to keep the door from opening.

 

“Dan?! Dan, are you okay?!” Phil called, panic clearly lacing everything he said.

 

“He’s trying to get-” Dan stopped, the phone went silent. The man was in the room, looming over him as he shook. The man snatched Dan’s phone from his ear and threw it across the room. Dan watched as it cracked and smashed against the wall and switched off once it hit the ground.

 

“What do you want?” he asked sheepishly.

 

“You.” the man replied. Before he pulled something from his back pocket and Dan’s vision went black.

 

~~~~

 

Phil was obviously distressed after his call with Dan. He’d tried to call back another two times to no result and now he was in his room, packing his bags.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want a lift to the airport?” his mother offered kindly.

 

“I’m sure. I just need to get home.” Phil replied. He zipped up his suitcase and hugged his mother goodbye before going downstairs and doing the same to his brother and their father. “I’ll come visit when you all get back to England. See ya.” Phil called, exiting the hotel they stayed at every year.

 

Phil rushed to the airport and checked what the closest flight to London was that had one free seat. Apparently there was none for two days.

 

“Can you see if someone is willing to swap tickets? I’ll pay double whatever their ticket cost. Please, I need to get home. It’s a family emergency.” he begged the man at the counter.

 

“One second.” he said before leaning into his microphone. “Anyone on flight number two eighty-nine to London willing to trade their ticket for twice what you paid for a man to get home for a family emergency? If you would like to help this man out, please go to flight information desk near the west entrance. Again, anyone willing to trade tickets for this man’s family emergency to London, flight two eighty-nine, go to the flight information desk near the west entrance. Thank you.” once he finished speaking into the mic, he turned back to Phil. “That’s all I can do. Please take a seat and I’ll let you know if anyone comes.”

 

So Phil took a seat across from the information counters and waited. He waited and waited and waited for what felt like hours. The man from earlier walked up to him eventually, a young woman carrying a baby trailing behind.

 

“This woman, Lilliana, is willing to give you her ticket.” stated the employee dressed in a suit.

 

“Oh my god.” Phil sighed in relief. “Thank you so so much. How much would you like for the ticket?”

 

“Oh no. That’s not necessary. I recognised your last name, Howell-Lester. Your partner, Dan, once helped me get a flight home when it was an emergency. I’d love to return the favor. Here.” she explained, handing Phil the ticket.

 

“Really?” Phil asked in shock. Not only was he getting a free ticket home but this lady was the lady Dan gave his ticket to when he was really homesick that one time. What a small world it was. The lady nodded. “Thank you. Thank you so so so much. You have no idea how much this means to me.” Phil expressed, even going as far as to hug the stranger.

 

The man from the counter, who had been standing awkwardly as he watched the interaction, left them be after knowing Phil had received his ticket.

 

“I’ve got to run now if I’m going to get through check-in and security before boarding. Again, thank you so much.” Phil hugged her quickly again before grabbing his suitcase and speed walking towards check-in.

 

Phil powered through check-in, customs and security and only just made it onto the plane in time for take off.

 

~~~~

 

The flight was too long. That was for sure. He sat in his seat trying to concentrate on the movie the screen played but couldn’t. He couldn’t understand what the actors were saying or what the plot of it even was. Every five minutes, he was checking his watch to see how close they were to landing.

 

Phil must have been nervous enough to warrant a flight attendant to check on him. “Are you okay, sir?” she asked.

 

“What? Yeah. I’m fine.” he replied.

 

“Nervous flyer?” she questioned knowingly.

 

“No. Just, worried about personal stuff. I could do with a water though, please.” The attendant nodded and left, returning a few minutes later with a mini bottle of water and a plastic cup.

 

Phil sipped away at the water but was unable to drink the whole thing. He was slowly breaking down. He had always thought that if anything happened to Dan he would be calm and level-headed while dealing with the situation. Apparently that was the exact opposite of what he was.

 

~~~~

 

When the plane finally landed, Phil booked it off the flight and through baggage claim. He called a taxi and quickly told the woman his address and they were off. It was around 3am in England but his body and mind felt as though it were only ten o’clock. Not that the time mattered to him in the slightest at the moment. All he could think was ‘Forty minutes’.

 

The taxi pulled up to their shared apartment and Phil paid the driver as quickly as possible. He thanked her as he climbed out of the car and quickly opened the front door, only slightly startled at the fact that it wasn’t locked. The lock wasn’t even there; it was lying on the ground.

 

The door swung open and Phil shouted. “Dan! Dan, where are you!?” He called. There was no reply. Leaving his luggage at the door, he ran up the stairs and into the lounge. No Dan. His bedroom and Dan’s? Nobody in sight. Phil called out again but it was futile.

 

Dan was not in the flat.


	2. Chapter 2

Phil bolted out of the apartment after finally accepting the truth; Dan wasn’t there. He ran quickly down the street, not even caring that the apartment was left unlocked. Tears had started to fall freely from his eyes as he ran the familiar streets.

 

Phil took a hard left, not slowing even for the red flashing man signalling pedestrians to wait. He ran for four minutes straight and ended up outside the police station. Usually the journey to Lambeth Road was around ten-fifteen minutes but he was running the fastest he physically could.

 

Phil entered the police station, trying to look somewhat collected as he walked up the counter. The station was quiet and empty aside from a middle-aged lady in the corner; though it was three thirty in the morning so the silence made sense.

 

“How may I help you, sir?” the officer at the front desk asked.

 

“I think my flatmate has been kidnapped.” he explained simply. The officer nodded and told Phil to follow him. He was lead out of public view and told to sit in a plain room that had beige walls and a simple desk with two chairs.

 

Phil took a seat where we was told and the officer left the room, another entering after a short minute.

 

“I am Officer Reyes. What’s your name?” the officer asked, sitting down in the seat across from Phil.

 

“Phil Lester.” he answered.

 

“I’ve been told you think your roommate had been kidnapped. What is their name?” he asked clearly.

 

“Dan Howell. Full name is Daniel James Howell if you need that.”

 

“M’hmm. Could you tell me what makes you think this?” he continued, upholding his calm demeanor.

 

“Well, I was on a holiday in Florida so Dan was home alone. He called me saying he heard someone in the flat so he closed his bedroom door to try and hide. I made sure he was safe but he went silent before saying that the man was trying to get into the room. The phone line cut out soon after and I haven’t heard anything since. I flew back early to make sure he was okay.” Phil explained.

 

“And why did he call you instead of police?”

 

“I asked him that. He just said he panicked and first thought to call me. I told him to hang up and call you but he didn’t want me to leave him alone and I couldn’t make him. He sounded so scared.”

 

“Uh huh. What were you doing in Florida?” the officer questioned.

 

“I was on an annual family holiday.” Phil replied.

 

“Okay. And what was the apartment like when you returned home?”

 

“Well, the first thing I noticed was that the door was unlocked and that the lock had been completely bashed off; it was lying on the ground. The apartment itself wasn’t in too poor condition. A few pillows off the couch and small things out of order but for the most part, nothing was damaged. My bedroom door was slightly ajar. More than usual as it was already a little off it’s hinges. My bed, which I distinctly remember making before I left, was a mess and all my draws and cupboards were open; nothing missing as far as I could tell. Dan’s room was the worst. His door was completely off it’s hinges, only just holding itself up. Bed and cupboards a mess. It looked like Dan had put up quite a fight. His phone was lying on the ground across the room, completely smashed which explains why none of my calls went through.” he explained as best he could. He hadn’t spent too much time looking around. All he wanted to do was locate Dan.

 

“Clear signs of struggle, huh? Can you tell me a little bit more about that?”

 

“I don’t know much more. I’m sorry. Umm, his laptop was bent at the corner. I think it might have been leaning against a wall and got crushed. It think it will still work though. Not that that’s really important.”

 

“Is there any reason you could think of that someone would want to kidnap Dan?”

 

“Not that I can think of. We have quite a large fanbase, we’re youtubers. But I can’t see any of them doing something like this.” Phil explained.

 

“Uh huh. Can you think of anyone who has a grudge against him? Maybe someone who was jealous?”

 

“No. I’m really sorry. I don’t know anyone who would do this.”

 

“Okay. Is there anything else you would like to add to your statement?” the officer asked.

 

“Not that I can think of.” he replied.

 

“Okay. I just need your name, date of birth and address as well as the same for Dan.” Phil replied with the answers he knew well and the officer handed him a clipboard. “Sign and date please. To confirm what you’ve said in your statement is the truth.” Phil signed and returned the clipboard.

 

“In the morning, a team of two detectives will visit and take photos, samples and anything else they might need. Please aid them in whatever way you can and don’t touch anything when you get home tonight. Especially from his room.”

 

Phil was set free and returned to the apartment at a much slower pace than he’d left with. He entered the building and haphazardly closed the front door, dragging his suitcase up the stairs with him slowly. He landed on the couch that hadn’t been disturbed all that much and welcomed sleep.

 

~~~~

 

When he awoke, he had a sore back and strained neck. He knew from past experience their couch wasn’t the best to sleep on but he wasn’t allowed in either of the bedrooms and the lounge was the least touched aside from the bathroom.

 

He went into the kitchen and opened the fridge, grabbing the milk and cereal from the cupboard. Pouring himself a bowl of food, he heard the doorbell ring so he placed his bowl back down and walked the many stairs.

 

“Hello Mr Lester. I’m Detective James Mason and this is my partner, Detective Sarah Newton.”

 

Phil left the two detectives be as he leant against the kitchen counter and ate his breakfast. Around three hours later, the detectives said their farewells and told Phil he could clean up whenever he wanted. He was also told to go back down to the station if he wanted any updates on the case but that they would call if there was a massive breakthrough.

 

~~~~

 

Phil was lounging around in his bedroom, scrolling through his phone when it suddenly started vibrating in his hand.

 

“Hello, this is Phil Lester speaking?” he said into the phone as he held it to his ear.

 

“Phil, dear. How’s Dan?” his mother’s voice asked through the phone.

 

“Not great. I haven’t seen him since I got back. The apartment was trashed and Dan was gone so I went straight to the police and they’re filling it as a kidnapping case. They said there was enough evidence to confirm he wasn’t just missing. That there were clear signs of stuggle from Dan.”

 

“That’s awful. Oh god. I hope you get news soon. How are you holding up?”

 

“I’m alright. I just really want Dan to come back home.”

 

“Of course. Listen, I have to go but you will call me as soon as you get any news, yes?”

 

“‘Course mum. Love you, bye.”

 

“Love you, too. Stay safe. Bye.” she hung up the phone so Phil went back to aimlessly scrolling through tumblr. Tears started falling as his feed was filled with gifs from their most recent gaming video.

 

~~~~

 

Two days later, there was still no news as to where Dan was. Phil wandered the streets. Not even the christmas themes coffee shops was doing anything to lighten his mood. He turned right into the small cafe Dan and he were regulars at.

 

“Hello, Phil. No Dan today?” the young girl who worked there asked.

 

“Not today. Can I have my regular, please?”

 

“Of course. Take a seat.” So Phil took a seat and pulled out his phone.

 

“Here you are.” the girl stated, placing Phil’s mug on the table. Phil looked at the drink, then back to the girl.

 

“You were looking a little sad so I thought I’d draw you something.” she explained. Phil blinked back tears as he looked at the mug. There was the outline of two sets of whiskers. The symbol of Dan and Phil.

 

“Thank you.” Phil whispered.

 

“So, do you have any plans for Christmas? It is tomorrow after all.” she continued since there were no customers in line and no plates to clear.

 

“Not really. Do you?”

 

“My boyfriend and I are going to Brighton. We leave tonight. You should treat yourself. And Dan too. I’ve got to get back to work but I hope you both have a lovely Christmas.” she explained.

 

“Thank you. You too. Have a wonderful Christmas.” Phil replied to be polite.

 

~~~~

 

“I love you. I’m the only one that saw Phil was out to hurt you. I saved you.” he explained aggressively.

 

Dan nodded and hummed in agreement, knowing that was expected of him.

 

“What do you say?!” he snapped.

 

“T- thank you. I love you, too.”

 

“Good boy. Now eat up.” He ordered, shoving a bowl of food in front of Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying the mystery so far. Let me know what you think is going on!  
> New chapter will likely be up within a couple days.


	3. Chapter 3

Christmas morning. Phil woke up to a perfect silence aside from the ambulance siren outside. The flat was empty and quiet, which was more than a little discomforting. The kitchen and lounge were empty. Phil stared at his and Dan’s Christmas tree. They had so much fun putting it up. Presents were wrapped underneath it and their stockings hung from the fireplace that would soon be lit.

 

It had been four days. Four days since Dan called. Four days since Phil flew back home in a panic. Four days since hearing his best friend’s voice.

 

After breakfast, Phil got ready and made his way down to the station. He knew there wasn’t likely to be any news but he still liked to check.

 

“Phil, you’re back.” One of the officers welcomed solemnly.

 

“Yeah. Any news about Dan?” He questioned, not wanting small talk.

 

“Actually, there is. An anonymous called in this morning claiming to see someone who met Dan’s description.” Phil perked up at that. “We looked into it but it wasn’t him.”

 

Phil, who had been smiling, was now holding in tears as he nodded and said ‘Merry Christmas’ to the officer before leaving the building.

 

Christmas night. Dan had been found. Phil was running London’s streets to the location the police had told him. They saved Dan. He was safe, or at least he was going to be.

 

“Where is he? Where’s Dan?” he puffed out, resting his hands on his knees as he caught his breath.

 

“Right here.” the officer explained, resting his hand over a white sheet.

 

Phil’s breath caught in his throat. There was no way this was happening. It had to be some awful dream. It was more of a nightmare than a dream.

 

“I know this must be hard for you but we need you to confirm his identity. Tell me when you’re ready.” The man lightly grabbed the top of the sheet, ready to pull when Phil gave the word.

 

He nodded. There was no way Dan was under there.

 

The sheet was pulled back. And Dan was there. His face pale and eyes closed. He looked at peace. Marks were around his neck that Phil recognised as rope burn. There was no way.

 

Phil took a step back, tears flowing down his face. There was no way this was happening. This wasn’t Dan. It couldn’t be Dan.

 

~~~~

 

Phil entered the building on the twenty-seventh of December. He was greeted by his family as well as Dan’s. Friends of his and Dan’s were there. Everyone was there.

 

He hugged Dan’s mother and father as well as his own mother and father who flew back early to attend the event. The funeral began as everyone took their seats and started to quiet down.

 

“Daniel James Howell. He was a terrific young man who was taken from this world far too soon. He will be dearly missed by not only his family and friends, but his online following as well. The world he and Phil created together was magnificent and he will remain forever in our hearts. We have quite a few eulogies from relatives and friends of Dan. First up, Phil Lester.” the funeral organiser announced.

 

Phil stood and walked to the podium, taking a deep breath before speaking.

 

“Dan Howell was a remarkable man. We met back in 2009 and I got to see him grow as a person not only physically, but emotionally as well. And though I saw this, I never noticed he was hurting. I’m so sorry, Dan. I’m sorry to his family and our friends. To anyone who ever had the amazing chance to meet and talk with him. Dan created strong, lasting, individual memories with each and every one of us here today and I’m heartbroken to know we won’t be making anymore. He’s had such wonderful times with all of us. Living with Dan was a big decision. When I agreed, I wasn’t so sure it was right for me. We’d only known each other for three years. Maybe it was too soon. Looking back on it, I never could have made a better decision. He helped me grow to become the almost fully functioning adult I am today and I’m sad I-” he paused, needing to wipe away tears and take a deep breath. “I’m sad I won’t ever get to see him grow into an adult. Maybe start a family with someone. We had always been co-dependant on eachother. Now, however, seeing him leave and not having that shoulder to lean on that I was so used to, it- it breaks me. He’s done so much good for the world. I hope now that you are at peace. You could have talked with me and shared but you chose to stand alone. I hope, since this is the choice you made and the way you wished this to end, that you are happy. All we ever wanted was for you to be happy.” Phil ended.

 

He stepped down from the podium and watched Dan’s mother wipe a few tears away. He took his seat next to her. No one even cared that the front row was saved for immediate family. They all knew Phil was immediate family to Dan.

 

~~~~

 

Phil walked home slowly. His black suit itched and his black hair was a mess. The wind causing his hair to stick up in all directions.

 

He unlocked the apartment and sighed against the door. This was it. Dan was gone. The apartment, that held so many of their shared memories, was now his. He now lived alone.

 

He shrugged off his coat and walked up the stairs. The looked into the lounge and saw the bright Christmas tree that still had presents underneath it. The tree looked dark and bleak even though the lights themselves were persistent.

 

~~~~

 

Phil wandered the streets quietly. Normally Dan would be by his side. They always spent New Year's Eve together. It was a tradition. They walked around London, just the two of them, until midnight.

 

Every year Phil dreamt of sharing his feelings with Dan. Of kissing him within the first minute of the new year. Now those thoughts just felt wrong. Everything felt wrong. A big part of everything Phil did, the person who was always by his side, was missing. The world continued on as normal as if nothing ever happened. But something had happened. Something monumental had happened.

 

Phil shivered as a particularly strong breeze of wind blew past. It was already three degrees (37.4ºF), and the wind had an icy edge to it.

 

He heard Big Ben start ringing in the background; midnight. He continued to wander the cold streets, turning to one of the busier areas in London. There were couples holding hands and groups of young adults stumbling home after drunken nights out.

 

Tears filled his eyes as he saw someone whose hair looked like Dan. At first, he thought it was Dan but he had to remind himself that he was gone. That Dan was never coming back.

 

The man who wasn’t Dan leaned over and kissed the man he was holding hands with. Even though he knew it wasn’t really Dan, Phil still felt a pang of jealousy run through him.

 

“But what will he think?” the not-Dan asked the other, who Phil presumed was his boyfriend.

 

“Like I’ve said before, he was only going to hurt you. I love you, okay. And I’ll keep you safe from him and everyone else.” the boyfriend spoke it a calming voice, though it was edged with tension.

 

“I know. I love you, too.” the brown haired boy replied, leaning in and kissing his boyfriend once more.

 

Phil swore he recognised the voice but he kept walking past. He had no right to disturb their new year’s celebrations. Phil cast a quick glance at the couple as he walked past and continued his way home.

 

The fifteen meter tall Christmas tree sparkled brightly in what was otherwise a dark, depressing night. Though, it was only dark and depressing for him. Phil had had his entire world ripped away with in less than a week ago.

 

Phil began walking home, ignoring the nagging in his head that said he recognised the brown haired boy’s voice and curled hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry... I cried while writing Phil's eulogy and when I beta-read over it.
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter and didn't get too sad.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed chapter. I've had a busy week with work experience and the mental health of others and my own.
> 
> Hope you like the chapter; it's a little shorter than I'd like but it's still of decent size.

“Danny, can you come here please?” Dan’s kidnapper requested. He had told Dan his name was Mason.

 

Dan wandered over to the dark haired man from where he was in the kitchen doing the washing up. “Yes?” he asked.

 

“We’re going to have some fun together.” He explained, patting his lap before starting to unbuckle his belt.

 

Dan felt like he was going to faint from exhaustion but did what he was told anyway. He was so overworked but never wanted to disappoint his boyfriend. Phil was going to hurt Dan; he owed Mason his life.

 

Dan sat down on his lap, one leg either side of him. By this point, Mason’s belt was off and his pants were being kicked off his ankles.

 

~~~~

 

Phil informed his followers that he would be taking a break for personal reasons and that any new videos would be on hold until further notice.

 

He left on the second day of the new year, ready to go visit Dan’s family. He’d seen them less than a week ago at the funeral of course, but this was different. He wasn’t going there to mourn Dan and talk about his wonderful existence that ended, he was going to just be around people who knew and loved Dan as much as he did.

 

Phil hopped in the car and drove fifty minutes to Reading, England. He followed the satnav all the way to Dan’s parents house and parked on the curb. Climbing out of the car, he saw Dan’s mum, Katherine, open the front door. She hugged him and welcomed him inside.

 

“Thank you for visiting, dear.” she said as she began chopping veggies for dinner.

 

“It’s no problem. It’s better than being at home. The house is so empty and quiet without Dan.” Phil replied.

 

She nodded and smiled sadly as she thought about her son. 

 

Dinner was a silent affair. Everyone was thinking of the same thing, or rather person, but no one wished to talk aloud about the week’s events.

 

After dinner, Dan’s parents set up the guest room for him and said goodnight to Phil. Checking his phone, he saw countless tweets asking about his sudden hiatus. Sighing, he decided to answer at least a few of them.

 

_ ‘Why the sudden, unannounced hiatus?’ _

 

_ I just need a bit of a break for personal reasons. You will likely all know soon enough anyway. _

 

_ ‘Is there a timeframe to when you think you will be back?’ _

 

_ I’ll likely be gone at least two months. _

 

_ ‘Is Dan going on hiatus as well?’ _

 

_ He is on hiatus as well but won’t be back for much longer than me. _

 

He answered more questions, all with similar answers. Personal reasons, at least a few months, that kind of thing.

 

~~~~

 

In the morning, Phil awoke quickly. He got dressed and packed his small bag of belongings. After eating breakfast, he bid his farewell and said he’d be sure to visit again soon.

 

Chucking his bag on the passenger seat, he turned the keys in the ignition, hearing the car come to life.

 

He waved goodbye one last time and was off. It felt weird without Dan next to him, especially while driving away from his childhood home.

 

Phil had been driving for exactly ten minutes and people were starting to come out of their houses. Some going to work, some walking their children to school. There were even a few people gardening.

 

Luckily there were no cars behind his as when he saw him, he slammed on the breaks. He rubbed at his collarbone where the seatbelt dug in and lightly took his foot off the break to roll to the side of the road. He climbed out of the car and looked across the laneless road, seeing a familiar looking man tending to the home’s garden.

 

The house looked small and cute, surrounded by a white picket fence and a flower garden. The man out front was undoubtedly his flatmate. Phil pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating or dreaming; he wasn’t. Dan was alive, right there in front of him.

 

“Bear!” he called a little too excitedly. Dan’s head shot up and towards the voice, face panelling as he saw Phil.

 

He stood and held the steel shovel tighter in his grip, looking as if he were ready to run. “Phil.” he breathed out, sounding relieved but also tense at the same time.

 

“Oh my god, you’re alive. I can’t believe it. We have to get you home.” Phil explained, worry for Dan and his abductor returning any minute.

 

“I don’t want to.” Dan replied, taking a backwards step towards the house.

 

“What? Dan, why would you ever want to stay here? I can drive you home now and you’d be safe. I can protect you from him.” he begged, taking a step closer to Dan and opening the gate.

 

“I- if you come any c- closer I’ll sc- scream.” Dan threatened, Phil didn’t care. He continued stepping closer and Dan actually did scream.

 

Phil wrapped his hand around Dan’s mouth and dragged the kicking man away. He was strong, stronger than Phil thought he was. Either way, Phil managed to drag Dan into the car and locked the doors before he could climb out.

 

The half an hour drive back was quite an experience. Dan had tried climbing out the windows on the expressway, punching Phil multiple times and even grabbing the steering wheel which could have easily caused a massive crash since they were in traffic.

 

Phil pulled up outside the police station and Dan ran inside, bolting away from Phil.

 

“Sir, can we help you?” one of the police officers asked Dan who was now cowering away in the corner of the room.

 

“H- he kidnapped me!” he accused, yelling to the entire police station. Phil wanted to cry at the accusation. He’d saved Dan; why couldn’t he see it that way?

 

“Is this true?” the officer asked Phil.

 

“I was rescuing him. You may remember Dan Howell’s case from literally only a week ago. You found his dead body and dropped the case, remember? Well he wasn’t dead. I found him and brought him back but he seems to think I’m going to hurt him. Please, can you help him?” Phil requested, having no idea what else to do.

 

“We will take him in for questioning but if you brought him here without him willingly getting in your car then we need to question you too. Can both of you follow me?” the officer turned to exit the main room but Dan stayed in the corner, watching Phil fearfully as he left the room.

 

~~~~

 

Once the police were done with their questions, they decided to keep Dan in and let Phil return home. They had said Dan could be a danger to himself and/or others so they’d keep him just to be sure he was safe. Phil was decided to not be a kidnapper since his intention was to save the man.

 

Phil slept infinitely better that night. For almost two weeks straight, since Dan’s panicked call, he’d slept four hours maximum per night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? Dan's free which is good, but maybe not as good as it seems.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder again that this is a very heavy story and many triggers lie within. These include, but are not limited to, rape/non-con, PTSD, depression and suicide/suicidal thoughts.

The next morning Phil left the flat early to visit Dan. Hopefully he’d react better to him today than he had the afternoon before.

 

Entering the police station, the officer at the front desk looked up and half smiled, half grimaced.

 

“Hi, Phil.” the man spoke, recognising Phil from the day before and few weeks prior to that.

 

“Good morning. Is Dan okay?” he questioned, getting straight to the point.

 

“I’m going to be honest; he’s not great. Physically, he doesn’t seem to bad but he won’t let anyone get near him. Sometimes he cries, other times he screams. We were hoping you might be able to calm him since you’re a familiar face.” the officer explained, buzzing the door so it was unlocked for Phil to walk through.

 

“He’s just down the hall in one of the solitary cells.”

 

“What?! Why is he in a solitary cell? He hasn’t done anything.”

 

“It’s not actually a solitary cell; we don’t have them here. It’s a normal cell except no windows.” he explained. “so he can’t see anyone walking past.” he added hastily. “And padded walls so he can’t hurt himself. Okay, here we are.” The officer unlocked the door and ushered Phil in, whispering something about how they’d be standing right outside and shouting if he needed help.

 

The door was closed behind him and there he was, standing face to face with Dan Howell, as terror-stricken as he was the day before. The room was an uncomfortable dirty white with a small bed in the corner and a toilet. It looked like any regular prison cell aside from the padded walls and the fact that Dan wasn’t in prison.

 

“Dan,” he spoke softly so he wouldn’t spook the boy even more than he already clearly was. He hid in the corner, arms wrapped around his legs, staring straight at Phil with wide eyes. “It’s okay.” he tried to explain as if talking to a scared three-year-old.

 

Phil watched as Dan shook his head and mumbled something.

 

“Can you speak a little louder? I can’t hear you.” Phil requested, hoping desperately for Dan to be less frightened. He was safe now. There was no need to be afraid; Dan’s captor was gone.

 

Dan continued to mumble and shake his head as if he’d never heard Phil speak. He took a small step forward towards Dan and his head shot up, no longer shaking.

 

“It’s okay.” he reassured, stepping closer again.

 

Dan started to yell and scream. Only now did Phil notice the tears rolling down his face.

 

“Dan, it’s okay. You’re safe here. Nothing bad is going to happen.” Phil took another step closer.

 

He wasn’t even responsive. He sat, curled in on himself while Phil sat next to him speaking words of reassurance to the boy whose muscles were locked.

 

~~~~

 

Overall, the experience was somewhat of a success. Dan hadn’t spoke or moved if you ignored the unintelligible mumbling and intense shaking..

 

“There isn’t much else we can do for him here.” one of the officers explained to Phil. “We’re hoping to move him to hospital for a checkup just to make sure no injuries were sustained during the two weeks since the kidnapping. We aren’t entirely sure he’s safe to himself and/or others yet but he desperately needs a medical checkover. We have a non-emergency vehicle coming out here to collect him. If you want, you can go in the car to the hospital with him?”

 

“Yeah, I’d like to stay with him.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Once the non-emergency ambulance arrived, Dan was strapped down quite forcefully in the bed and Phil sat in the seat behind the driver. The entire trip Dan lay silently as the responder checked basic states, his eyes not moving from Phil’s position. Whenever he’d shuffle in his seat, Dan’s muscles tensed and he tried to run.

 

As soon as the responder unstrapped him from the bed, he bolted out of the ambulance and straight into the hospital. The ambulance officials ran after him and pinned him down before dragging him away towards one of the rooms. Phil followed behind uncomfortably and chose to wait outside with curious, watching eyes. His presence obviously wasn’t welcomed by Dan at this time.

 

~~~~

 

“Hello sir, how may I help you?” the exhausted desk attendant asked as she put down the phone and started to tap her fingers on the keyboard, ready to type in a name.

 

“I came in with Daniel Howell in an ambulance. I was just wondering if there was any news you could give me?” he asked after six hours of waiting in the hospital.

 

“Unfortunately, due to the nature of his case and reason for visit, we cannot give you any information. You may as well just go home, we can’t tell you anything until he gives us his explicit consent and that isn’t a possibility just yet.”

 

Phil nodded sadly and returned home for another night alone. He hated the apartment at night. It was so quiet and he was all too aware of the fact that his best friend wasn’t in the room next to his.

 

~~~~

 

People came in, asked him a few questions and left. Though he didn’t reply to any, they kept trying all afternoon. ‘How are you feeling?’ ‘What’s your name?’ He hated it. Why couldn’t they just stop asking him all these questions when he so obviously wasn’t going to reply?

 

The room he was in was a clinical white, much more pleasant than the room he was in before this that had yellow stains on the matte walls.

 

“Hello, Dan. I’m Dr Calvin. I’m part of the psychiatric team here at London hospital. I’m just going to ask you a few questions, see if we can do something to help you. Firstly, do you remember your full name and age?”

 

Dan remained silent. “Look, we can’t help you if you don’t talk to us. Phil, your flatmate; he’s really worried about you.”

 

“He’s bad.” Dan mumbled and tried not to notice the way the man smiled a little before furrowing his eyebrows.

 

“He’s what?” the man questioned.

 

“He’s bad. Evil; unkind.” Dan replied, slightly aggressive.

 

“And why is that?”

 

“He wants to hurt me. Mason saved me. Where is he?”

 

“Where is Mason?” Dan nodded. “I’m not sure who he is but we can try to find out. Do you know his last name?” He shook his head so the man continued.

 

“Okay, we’ll work on it. Why do you think Phil wants to hurt you?”

 

“Don’t know; he just does. Mason said if I stayed there any longer I’d be dead. Can I leave? I’m fine and I just want to see Mason again.”

 

“Not yet. We need to do a few tests first and also need to find out what has happened these past two weeks.”

 

“Fine.” he said grumpily.

 

“Okay, we will start with the tests. Regular blood tests, body checks and...” he explained, pausing. “And a rape kit. That last one however, we can only do with your consent. Can you sign here for you agreement to a rape kit.” he asked, trying to remain calm and reassuring for the fragile boy in front of him.

 

“No.” Dan said simply. “Mason didn’t rape me so there’s no need. I’ll do the blood tests and stuff but I’m not doing a rape kit.”

 

The doctor nodded and went about setting up the utensils for a blood test.

 

Dan believed strongly that Mason had never raped him. Sure, they’d fooled around a little but nothing past blow jobs and Dan had done so willingly each time, whether he particularly wanted to or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it so far. Let me know what you think? Constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> Next chapter will hopefully be up before Friday. If not, definitely before Sunday.


	6. Chapter 6

After a few days, Dan was released from the hospital and Phil had went to pick him up. Dan seemed to be less scared of him now as he willingly got in the car and was responding verbally to Phil, though it was only with one or two word answers.

 

As soon as they’d arrived home, dan hid away in his room. He didn’t come out for lunch or dinner and he must have had the bladder of an elephant because he didn’t leave for the second day as well.

 

On the third day was the first time it happened. Phil had gotten up at around two o’clock in the morning with an urgent need to pee. In his rush to the bathroom, he didn’t notice Dan’s open door. On his way back, however, he did notice the strange position of his door. He peeked his head through the doorway and didn’t see Dan lying in his bed fast asleep like he should have been. He wasn’t in the bathroom either since that’s where Phil just came from.

 

Phil checked the lounge and kitchen, even their gaming room but Dan was nowhere to be seen. It was when a cold breeze flowed through the apartment that Phil realised that the front door was open. He flew down the stairs and out the front door. He looked around but Dan was nowhere to be seen. Phil pulled his phone out and dialed the London police station quickly as he began to run.

 

“Hello, London police station. How can we help?” one of the officers at the station said into the phone.

 

“Hello? Umm, yes. My flatmate, Dan Howell has runaway. I don’t know where he is and I’m scared he’s going to do something stupid.”

 

“Dan Howell; he’s the one from the kidnapping case, right?”

 

“Yeah. He ran away and now I have no idea where he is.”

 

“Okay, calm down. We will send out a search party. Do you know of any places he may go to feel safe?”

 

Phil stopped in his tracks.

 

_“I love it here. It’s like I can be a little kid again without a care in the world.”_

 

“The park.” Phil breathed out. “Ravenscourt Park. I’m going to check there.”

 

“We will send some officers to meet you there.”

 

“Thank you!”

 

Phil hung up and ran as fast as he possibly could towards Dan’s favorite park, his safe space away from home. It was a fifteen minute journey even when Phil ran faster than he ever had before. Once he arrived, he didn’t stop running. No; he had to find Dan before the event’s on Christmas became real.

 

The memories played back in his mind as he ran. Getting the phone call, bolting to the same park he was in now, seeing Dan’s lifeless body, the rope marks around his neck. A shiver ran down Phil’s spine as he recalled the events and he pushed them aside. He’d find Dan before it was too late.

 

“Dan!” Phil yelled into the night. “Dan! Where are you?”

 

He ran around like a maniac for another five minutes before the police arrived. The three officers and Phil continued looking.

 

Dispite his panic, he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to die in such a peaceful place. He understood why Dan loved it there and why he would choose this park of all places to end his life. Large trees surrounded the park and benches and pathways led through sections. Patched of flowers could be found throughout the grass which was all a healthy green. No, he wasn’t going to. He was probably just scared or something and disorientated. Yeah, that’s right. He definitely wasn’t planning to do anything.

 

“I think I found him.” came through the officer’s radio. Phil’s face lit up as the officer replied asking where they were before heading that direction.

 

“Da-” Phil got out before he started screaming at Phil to get away. The officer who was looking with Phil pulled him away from the frightened boy and Phil feared the worst.

 

“Daniel, we are just here to help you. Do you know what’s going on?” one of the other officers asked, kneeling to be the same height as Dan who was sitting on a bench.

 

“Mason.” was all Dan replied. The officers exchanged looks of confusion and then turned to Phil who just shrugged his shoulders in answer.

 

They continued to ask questions for a few more minutes, Dan seeming to get more and more antsy as they went on. One of the officers were half way through a question when Dan yelled “Mason!” and sprung to his feet, running. The officers chased after him and toppled him over; a few metres away a man stood.

 

“Who are you?” The officer asked, standing.

 

“Mason, why are you here?”

 

“You’re in no position to be asking questions young man. Why are you out of your home at...” he paused to check his watch, “almost three in the morning?”

 

“I’m just taking a walk. I have no idea who this man is.” he explained, seemingly annoyed.

 

“Mason,” Dan whined.

 

“He seems to know who you are. Are you sure you don’t know him?”

 

“I’ve never seen this man in my life. I’m sorry. Anyway, am I able to go, officer?”

 

“Not yet. We’re going to have to take you in for questioning. If you could come with me.” Dan forced himself up once he heard that and stood protectively in front of Mason.

 

“You won’t hurt him.” Dan snarled out.

 

“We weren’t planning to. We are just taking him to the station.” The officer who fell on top of Dan pulled him aside forcefully and the other grabbed Mason and and led him away to the large car parked on the side of the road near the park.

 

The officer who’d pulled Dan away led him towards the same police vehicle. “We’re going to take him in. He clearly isn’t stable at the moment and we can’t risk him hurting you, himself or anyone else. Would you mind coming in? We have a few questions for you too.”

 

Phil agreed and headed towards the car Dan and Mason had climbed into. Phil sat in the back with another officer and Mason and Dan were behind them since the car was apparently a seven seater in which the back row appeared to be secluded. Phil wondered if Mason and Dan could see into the rest of the car or if the screen up prevented that, like a one-way mirror.

 

He glanced backwards at some point during the trip to see Dan snuggling into Mason’s side and mason wrapping his arm around his shoulders. Phil wished he wasn’t jealous considering the situation but still found himself getting slightly angry at Mason for being able to hold Dan like that. It’s his job to comfort Dan, not this absolute stranger.

 

~~~~

 

After an hour, Phil was able to return home. Of course, Dan had to remain at the station which was more than awful. Phil just wanted everything to go back to normal. He’d been on the Lester family holiday every year and nothing like this had ever happened before. Why did it have to happen now? Why did Dan’s captor have to rip their world away from them?

 

Dan was released the morning after and Mason was arrested under the suspicion of kidnapping of Dan.

 

Later that day, Phil was called by the police station.

 

“Hello, Phil Lester speaking.”

 

“Hi, Phil. Is Dan available to speak?”

 

“Yes, just let me go get him.” Dan was sitting in his room. When Phil entered, his head shot up and he watched Phil with wide eyes as the phone was handed to him.

 

“Yes? What?! You can’t do that! No! I won’t help you! I’ll fight you if you even think about hurting him!” Dan aggressively punched the hangup button and threw the phone. Phil rushed in to try and calm Dan but also see what was going on.

 

“Dan, hey, listen to me. You’re okay. What happened?” He asked calmly. Dan, who had been scared of him less than five minutes ago, was now reaching for him and sobbing.

 

“They’re trying to lock Mason up! They want to accuse him of kidnapping!”

 

“Bear, he did kidnap you. Why don’t you want him to be charged?”

 

“He- he saved me.” Dan seemed to remember why he was scared of Phil now as he pushed him away and crawled to the top of the bed, back against the headrest. “He saved me from you. You’re going to hurt me. Please don’t hurt me. I trust- trusted you. I trust him. I love him. Oh god, don’t let him go to jail. Phil please. Help him.” Dan was a mixture of words and emotions that Phil had difficulty deciphering. One side of Dan seemed to be scared of Phil but the other half seemed to desperately want Phil to never leave his side and to help him.

 

Phil was at a loss of what to do or even think. He didn’t want to help Dan’s captor stay out of trouble but he didn’t want to push Dan away either. Especially when he was already so broken and alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think so far? What do you think is going to happen? Be sure to let me know and constructive criticism is welcome as always.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is so late. I've been a little busy with the holiday season and writer's block.
> 
> This isn't the longest chapter but hopefully I'll have another one up within a couple days.

Phil was in the kitchen making some cereal for himself and Dan who was sitting in the lounge. After pouring the milk, he walked through to the lounge and placed the bowls on the table.

 

“Here you go, Dan. Eat up.” Phil grabbed the tv remote and put on crunchyroll.

 

He watched Dan out of the corner of his eye as he slowly picked up the breakfast bowl and scooped some cereal with the spoon.

 

“Do you want the fireplace on?” He was already standing to move over to the fireplace since it was just cold enough to be uncomfortable. “Dan?”

 

“Hmm?” He lethargically ate his breakfast, eyes not moving from the tv which was now playing Attack On Titan for what was probably the eight-hundredth time.

 

“Do you want the fireplace on? It’s a little chilly.”

 

“Sure.” Dan sounded so disinterested in everything since he received the call from the police, which was about three days ago. Phil still hadn’t made up his mind but he was starting to lean towards Dan’s side. He hated the idea of siding with Dan’s captor but hated the thought of Dan staying distant even more. After everything that had happened, it was clear he needed someone on his side, fighting this war with him since he couldn’t alone.

 

Phil lit the fireplace and moved back to the couch, sitting at the opposite end to Dan to give the fragile man some space.

  
~~~~

 

“Hello? Phil Lester speaking,” He was editing a video for his channel when he received a call from an unknown number. He wasn’t planning to post the video, they were both on a hiatus after all; it was just something familiar he’d begun to do when stressed.

 

“Good afternoon. This is London Police Station. We would like to discuss Daniel Howell’s case with you. If you could come down to the station within a week, we can inform you what the plan of action is.”

 

“That sounds good. Is it alright for me to come down now?”

 

“Of course. See you soon. Goodbye.”

 

“Bye.” Phil hung up the phone and stood from his desk.

 

“Dan?” he called, knocking on his friend’s bedroom door.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’m going out for a bit. I’ll be back before dinner. Okay?”

 

“Yep.”

 

The conversation was short and sweet. Nothing knew. Dan seemed to have two settings, unintelligible rambling or one word answers. Phil wasn’t sure which he prefered.

 

~~~~

 

“Hi. I’m Phil Lester. I was told to come here to discuss Dan’s case,” he told the officer at the front desk.

 

“One second,” she replied, before pressing a button and speaking into the phone. “Sit over there please. The detective should be out within a few minutes.”

 

Phil took a seat and got out his phone, opening twitter. He had a look through his feed before checking some question, not that he was going to answer them. If he answered fan’s questions, people would think the hiatus is over and expect videos again.

 

One particular tweet did get his attention though. The tweet read:

 

_ @AmazingPhil I saw you walking into London police station. I hope everyone’s ok... :( _

 

He was about to check if anyone else had caught notice of this but was quickly stopped when a tall man appeared in his peripherals.

 

“Hello. I’m Detective Peter Walker. It’s nice to meet you,” the man explained, reaching out his hand for Phil to shake. Phil put his phone away and shook the man’s hand.

 

“Phil Lester.”

 

“Shall we get started?” He gestured to the door leading to the private hallway and Phil nodded, following him into one of the many rooms.

 

“Okay, so I understand Daniel doesn’t want to testify. Could you think of a reason for this?”

 

“You can call him Dan. And umm, he seems to have the idea in his mind that Mason was trying to save him from something.” Phil left out the part that it was him Dan was quote unquote ‘being saved from’. He didn’t think it would go down well if he mentioned Dan was afraid of him.

 

“Who’s Mason?”

 

“The guy who kidnapped Dan, I think. He kept talking about a Mason. That’s also why he wasn’t home in the middle of the night when I called the police to look for him. I think he was meeting him.”

 

“And do you have any idea why Dan would want to return to his captor?”

 

“Like I said, he’s scared of something and has got it in his head that Mason saved him. I think it’s like, brainwashing or something? I don’t really know but it doesn’t seem like him. Dan’s very sensible and logical; it just doesn’t seem like something he’d do.”

 

“Okay; that’s enough of the questions for now. I’ll explain the whole situation to you, and then you can ask your questions at the end. Sound good?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Okay. So, as you know, Dan doesn’t want to press charges. If you help us, we might be able to get Dan’s abductor locked up without him. We have his medical records from after he escaped. With your testimony as a witness, we might be able to do something. Of course it would be a lot easier with Dan’s help but it’s his decision. The man from the park has been placed under suspicion because he seems too closely linked to the case. Anyway, my point is, we may be able to serve Dan some justice for what happened to him. Would you like to testify? Keep in mind that without your help, our chances are very, very slim.”

 

Oh fuck. Why the hell did they have to give him this decision to make again? Making it the first time was hard enough but to know Dan’s captor could face repercussions with his help made the decision impossible.

 

On one hand, Dan’s safety was important. If Dan ran again, he could succeed at reconnecting with Mason and then he’d never see him again. He also had no idea what Mason would do to Dan now thinking he escaped on his own accord. Phil also really wanted justice for Dan. Just because he couldn’t see what needed to be done at that time, doesn’t mean he will never be able to. If Dan came to his senses a couple years in the future, he didn’t want Dan to regret not testifying.

 

However, going behind Dan’s back could be equally dangerous. He was already quite unstable, as seen by his call with the police about pressing charges and if he found out... well, Phil didn’t want to think about what could happen.

 

“I’d like to help get him behind bars,” he blurted out before he properly thought through it.

 

The smile that appeared on the detective’s face calmed him a little but not much as he would have liked. He was now in very deep water, water that he might never escape.

 

~~~~

 

“Dan! I’m home!” Phil shrugged off his jacket and toed off his shoes before padding up the stairwell in his socks. Entering the lounge, he placed his phone and wallet on the table.

 

“Where’d you go?” Dan asked quietly from his place on the couch, not looking up. Phil took notice of the multiple words that he’d spoken. That’s progress if he’s now actively asking questions and hopefully using full sentences again.

 

“I was called down to the police station,” he explained, choosing not to lie about everything. After all, lies are best hidden within truth.

 

“Why?”

 

“They just had to ask me a few things. Everything's fine, I promise.”

 

“If you’re sure.” Dan focussed back on his laptop and he went to make an afternoon snack. It was only four o’clock which was too early for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Feedback/Constructive criticism is always welcome!
> 
> Check out my tumblr if you’re interested in more —> https://fadingcrystalvoid.tumblr.com/


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